If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is to put my trust in You.
"You Know Better Than I" from Joseph: King of Dreams
We had our first monthly Relief Society meeting this week. The topic was on mental illness, depression, and really just ways to keep sane even if you don't have chemical excuses. One thing that was brought up was how to treat your kids.
And since I have sort of lost my sanity (or at least all compassion) in the last few weeks due to lack of sleep, I figure it needs to be a goal. Its not like I have been physically punishing Alice, but sometimes when she starts literally jumping on Thomas' head then covers his face with a pillow when he cries I react in a less than loving manner.
Picking up a laughing and as far as I can tell completely EVIL 2 year old and dropping them on the floor seems like a good solution. Until she hits the corner/leg/blocks and gets a bruise on her face...or bites her lip and bleeds all over me...or just cries and its not "you took my toy" tears.
Then I realize that I am abusing my child. Because I am bigger than her. And that will not make her stop jumping on someone smaller than her. So I have stopped all moving/removing of Alice. I simply move Thomas.
We also watched a little slide show I made when Alice was 3 months old with a compilation of photos. She LOVED it. "Awww." "Baby." "Ooo, baby." She was really sad when I insisted I needed to go to the bathroom and stood up and left her on the computer chair. We talked about how we treat babies and we are gentle with them. Then I let her hold Thomas...until he cried.
Line upon line.